Superficial.ly

So there were about 895831510 pictures of Kristen Stewart at the Metropolitan Museum of Arts annual ball in New York. I had a really tough time figuring out which one to post on here. Mainly because they all looked exactly the same. Does Kristen Stewart even actually exist? I’m beginning to think she’s one of those cardboard cutouts that you see in stores to promote gummy bears or new releases or batteries. Probably the last one, because I can’t imagine that anyone would want to buy gummy bears or movies that would make them so utterly bored with their lives.

Remember that time that Amanda Bynes hit a cop car while drunk and got a DUI, but then she cleaned up her act and now she’s all sober and shit? Nah, just kidding. According to People:

On Friday afternoon, the actress, 26, allegedly sideswiped a pick-up truck with her black Range Rover in Los Angeles and continued driving, which prompted the other driver to dial 911.

“At 4:25 p.m., we were notified of a possible hit-and-run,” LAPD Sgt. Ben Zucker tells PEOPLE. “The caller followed Miss Bynes for a short distance to a gas station.”

“It turned out the damage to the pick-up truck was so minor that it was very plausible she had no idea that she hit anyone,” Sgt. Zucker adds. “Because of that, we decided not to charge her with hit and run, took a traffic report instead and sent her on her way. There were no arrests made and no one was injured.”

So basically Amanda Bynes gave Ben Zucker a blowjob. You go Ben Zucker! I’ll bet now your buddies won’t be making fun of you for having a nearly identical last name to that guy that made Facebook.

Those aren’t my words, believe it our not. They’re from a new boyband called “The Wanted”. And they said that she was that in this. I couldn’t find any pictures of Christina Aguilera, but I did find this picture of a woman that appears to have eaten Christina Aguilera, so I suppose it will do.

Also, I just realized that I only know who “The Wanted” is because they followed me on Twitter:

Twitter following: the new way for shitty MySpace bands that no-one likes to get a ton of people to listen to their lame, shitty music that no-one likes!

I was once told that wearing shirts that show off my rippling, bulging muscles might be intimidating to some folks, and that I should dress in a more conservative manner if I was going to, say, go to the White House.

In an unrelated story, Kim Kardashian decided to wear that. Although admittedly, I’m sure this is intimidating in a whole different set of ways. Fitting through doors is probably intimidating. I heard that a child once went missing and was found in Kim Kardashian‘s ass four days later. Children have a nasty habit of looking like chairs when you can’t see anything below your waist I guess.

Chris Brown and his team must have spent a lot of time recently to come up with even more ways to make America hate him. After a lot of deliberation and thought (I can’t even begin to imagine some of their initial concepts and ideas), they decided that selling pit bull puppies would probably be the quickest and most effective. The website is here. It will only cost you $1000 to have your very own abusive angry dog bred by an abusive angry black man. What a deal!